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Monthly Archives: June 2012

I thought things were going to get better, but somehow they’re slowly becoming worse. On top of my already incredibly frail mindset, my grandma has had two strokes, so I’m really stressed and worried about that. School is getting better, but I’m still worried about it, seeing as I don’t know how much the good grade that I have in my current class is going to boost my total gpa. That’s been stressful, but I’m trying not to think about it too much. I have enough to think about and try not to think about and deal with…….

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Here it is, two A.M and I can’t sleep. I have to be in up in six hours; at this rate, I may STILL be up at that point. My mind keeps racing, but it’s going so fast that I can’t even tell what any of the thoughts are. I really hope I get a new psychiatrist soon, because I know part of the problem is that my meds need to be increased. It’s been a really long time. In the mean time, I just have to do my best to stay above water, so to speak. I have a few things that keep me going; I just have to put all my energy and focus into those things.

 

For a while, I thought about taking myself off the meds and not going to therapy any more, but in reality, I don;t think that would be a very good idea. No one else seems to either, which i guess is a sure fire sign that I shouldn’t do that. It just gets to tiring; I’ve been taking medicine all my life for various things, and they all give me unpleasant side effects. Plus, with therapy, I just get sick of having to show how I’m really feeling and what I’m really thinking. Most people can read me really well anyway, it’s just a scary thing to have to do on a bi-weekly or tri-weekly basis.

 

I got a little but more writing done, and it’s going in a new direction. It’s not one that I expected, but it’s a good one, so that’s something to be proud of. I’ve been trying to get some autobiography work done, like a memoir, It’s not easy, because I’m not sure what aspect of my life I’d like to focus on, but I’m not giving up.

 

On another note, next term is almost here, in which I will be starting my beginners fiction work shop, and I will also be taking context of writing. I just hope the workshop won’t be too boring, since I’m a little bit past the beginner level. We’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.